RONBO IN HAWAII: RECON AND INTELLIGENCE MISSION!

My base of operations in Honolulu at Waikiki Beach - an efficiency apartment with patio.

The front entrance to my hotel in Honolulu - Rooms $100 a day and up.

Street scene in Honolulu: The city zoo is on the left.

Waikiki Beach where famous Hawaiians have statutes.

Waikiki Beach where Elvis is still KING and don't you forget it!

Early morning in Waikiki Beach where hangovers disappear quickly under the sun.

If you forgot your surfboard they are available here for an hourly rate.

Hawaii invented surfing and worship their surfers at Waikiki Beach.

Weird looking tree at Waikiki Beach, heh?

All day road trip completely around the island of Oahu with a Hawaiian guide!

Fearlessly, our guide drives our van in the worst traffic in the United States of America!!!

First stop is the Dole Pineapple Planation north of Honolulu.

We don't have enough time here to take the tour train, but here it is!

This sign explains the train...If you click the picture bigger.

"Pineapple fields forever" as the Beatles should have sung.

The natural beauty of Hawaii made even more beautiful by man!

This is me on the left at the entrance to "Surf City" Hawaii - the famous North Shore!

"Let's go surf'n now, everybody's learning how, come on a safari with me," said The Beach Boys.

Road side local produce...cash only in small bills.

Something famous happened over there...Don't ask me what :-)

Surprise box lunch break after the boat ride to the beach... I wonder what's in my lunch box?

Our fearless leader and tour guide telling an insider Hawaii joke tourists don't get.

Finally, the beach. We don't have time to swim, but we do eat in the 20 minute stop.

This is me on the beautiful beach in my swimming trunks and being told its time...

....to get back on the boat to the bus in song by our fearless leader tour guide.

In Hawaii, you really, really, REALLY don't want to get off the trail.

Waiting for the boat...Behind us were over 20 Japanese tourists and when asked on the boat ride back to the mainland if they enjoyed the Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor said, "So sorry, please!"

Next stop is at Buddhist Temple where I piss off Lord Buddha by walking in with my shoes and hat on...but I throw in five bucks on the collection plate and a priest smiles at me.

Gold fish on the Temple menu tonight?

Let me understand this...The Buddha teaches that we should renounce the world and then after years of study in the Temple, we "Kill The Inner Buddha" to discover that the universe is meaningless. Huh?

We stop next at the cliff were the first king to unite the Hawaiian islands destroyed the opposition party in 1795 by shooting, stabbing and pushing hundreds of them off the cliff to their deaths in the rock below. This is said to be Hawaii native Obama's favorite spot for some strange reason.

This sign explains things up here on Murder Point, click to make larger.

The massacre by tyranny explained on this sign.

The view from the top...

The death cliff...

Viewing platform and cliffs...

The exercise woman....

Break for a "Selfie!"

More poses...CLICK!

This is the part where I yell, "I love you!" :-)

After being chased back on the bus by a jealous lover, we stop at Obama's favorite Hawaii beach named "Murder Beach" because of the sharp coral reefs and rocks that tend to slice and dice body surfers, but for some reason spared Obama. DAMN IT!

Murder Beach....

"There she blows..." Whale watchers spot one...FINALLY!

Shannon The Tour Guide introduces his best friend and silent partner. This is when Shannon confessed to being half Irish. The ancestry of the Turtle was not determined, but thought to be pine.

At the end of the tour I gave Shannon a $5 tip and the Turtle a ten dollar tip. I enjoyed his lectures on Hawaiian lore much better than the nonsense from his boss about Hawaiian leprechauns!

Although Shannon was much better at song, dance, music and malarkey,

Final Stop on the all-round-Oahu tour - a beautiful beach were you can swim with the fish...

....and watch the Humpback whales...which are mammals!

This is the entrance to Diamond Head national park. These are old guard boxes from WW II.

This is entrance to Ft. Ruger, which is co-located in the park. I guess you get shot if you walk down the wrong trail.

This is the early morning view from the parking lot in front of the tunnel that leads to the park.

The narrow tunnel with two way traffic, a sidewalk and no room for error.

GUESS WHAT? After you walk thru the tunnel (hopefully without being hit by a vehicle) you discover that "Diamond Head is the name of a volcanic tuff cone on the Hawaiian island of Oʻahu and known to Hawaiians as Lēʻahi, most likely from lae 'browridge, promontory' plus ʻahi 'tuna' because the shape of the ridgeline resembles the shape of a tuna's dorsal fin.^[3] Its English name was given by British sailors in the 19th century, who mistook calcite crystals on the adjacent beach for diamonds.^[4]"

Happy Japanese tourists from Hiroshima. I tell the guy taking the picture, "My dad shot at your grandfather in WW II and obviously he missed!" The Japanese guy and gal bow to me and say in Hollywood English, "So sorry, please!"

The entrance to the brutal uphill Diamond Head walkway (well paved sidewalk at this point) that should read, "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

Tourist ladies yell at me when I tell them the honest truth about the difficult climb to the top of Diamond Head, "Yes, we can!" Hmmm? I've heard that somewhere before and they couldn't.

I discover Hawaii's drag ass hill...Also, called "Heart Attack Ridge."

One hour after leaving the parking lot we are still climbing up, getting hot and running out of water.

FINALLY THE TOP OF DIAMOND HEAD!....and no water at the top, by the way, so we take pictures of the view and those still alive.

A view of Waikiki Beach on the left from the top of Diamond Head and an old WW II watch building with signs that announce danger in small letters from the viewing platform, "If you're close enough to read this sign, you're about ready to fall over the cliff to certain death. GOOD LUCK!" You can't say the U.S. Army doesn't have a sense of humor, the old softees.

More views of Waikiki Beach from the top where a $1 cool bottle of water are being hawked for $20 and finding takers: damn Korean small time grocery merchants are everywhere!

OKAY! Enough with pictures at the top of Diamond Head! Also, I'm mad at the woman on the right. Would you believe she didn't break a sweat? I ask her what her "no sweat" secret is and she replies, "I'm an Arab from Saudi Arabia and I'm used to a hot climate - would you like my unopened cool bottle of water? I won't be using it and be advised that panting with your tongue out will not cool you off!" Damn Arabs are everywhere too!

Going rapidly down the hill now and feeling darn good after a nice cold bottle of water from a Saudi princess. The people on the way up ask me, "How much further to the top." I say, "Go back, go back!.. the view ain't worth the climb." Then people get angry and curse me in many languages..... The truth hurts, heh?

I'm walking near the entrance to the tunnel and see the military base on Diamond Head guarded by signs that promise the military will do strange, awful and terrible things to your body if you are bold enough to sally forth down the road...

LAST WARNING! WE REALLY MEAN IT!

THIS IS THE ONLY WAY OUT, PILGRIM! DEPART, YE WITH THE CAMERA, SORE FEET AND SHARP CHEST PAINS!